For what it’s worth, the post above is not entirely inaccurate (though a lot of this seems to be written through a very post-hoc lens, and making numerous assumptions).
I could and would post a longer reply if it weren’t the case I’d just woken up out of stressful fear (funnily, of exactly this happening, as I have every recent day) and I suspect going into detail too far would evoke one of my usual trauma responses…
However,
Even this post is an incomplete interpretation of the narrative with a lot of hyperbole (and dismissing a lot of cases that did go well or were expressed as fine despite not being fine in the end) as is what happens if you let things build up for over half a year without even once talking them through. There’s a lot of subtle things involved here, and most of this interpretation only started to even be expressed as of very recently, months into weirdly avoidant behavior towards me.
Was I in any way ‘perfect’? Nope.
Should people at least have told me stuff way, way earlier? Definitely so.
Could this have been prevented if, instead of ghosting me, or not saying stuff and then accusing me of ‘you knew this’ when I’d find out, people kept a bit more of an open mind? Possibly.
It’s not really of any use devolving into a piece-by-piece replay of the entire past 2 years here, but similarly so, there’s a lot of back-and-forth during this period where clearly a lot of things happened.
One thing to note is that I was actually intending to blow off the entire deal last-minute because I felt like the group of people close to me wasn’t exactly being honest anymore, but then after receiving messages along the lines of “please don’t cancel the deal, things like filling out paperwork at least give me a purpose” I reluctantly signed anyway. Notably so, this was on a day where I’d already been excluded from some activity by one person, had another person stir up a weird IM fight, and I was really doubting that everyone was as ‘okay’ with me as they claimed to be.
With how quickly after the deal things devolved with sudden bombshells and avoidance and the likes, this hunch only proved to be accurate as well… negating all the promises that going along with it would permit the situation to become more stable and that everyone would still support me.
Also, you know, given the gravity of one specific accusation:
You have said you were aware of pretty much any photo taken, so there wasn’t ever any ‘secretly’. You even said you didn’t mind it too much as you “could tune it out”, and understood where it was coming from, and other bits and pieces like that. This being an issue to you was never explicitly expressed and feels like it only happened post-hoc as time went on. Had you actually pointed this out and asked me not to do so as it was actively making you uncomfortable, this’d have stopped fine.
Multiple people have told me that Xin has been telling them their side of the events throughout the past months, but notably so, I was never told that side myself at all, constantly being magically expected to ‘know’ certain things, and doubling down on that expectation any time I’d be getting overwhelmed or whatnot as a result of information being omitted. Hell, I don’t even know who has been told these events, and when interacting with new people I actually have to be concerned that they somehow have been the victim of one of Xin’s hours-long rants about me.
The main signs I had got about people’s opinions of me had been people getting more and more silent and distant and avoiding, and any attempt at asking what happened being met with either anger or shutting down otherwise-‘normal’ chats because it’d evoke some emotion again - no concern ever got expressed directly towards me and there mainly was avoiding, ignoring, and stalling. With this uncertainty, and the fact that I already struggle with human interaction and emotions (noting that for a while, from 2023-01 to 2023-05, things actually were improving!), it’s extremely difficult to constantly do the right thing.
Rumor has it Xin has been telling people stories about me ever since 2022, which is when the group first started hanging out with me, but also when a lot of the chaos and mayhem started worsening. Especially fun is that on one hand IU was all ‘wtf people want to hang out with me, and this is a lot of fun, and people seem to e enjoying some of the interaction??’, and on the other I noticed a lot of signs that none of the interaction was genuine, that I as treated as lesser than the other members of the group or other external friends, and never was told why or even that this was the case, leaving me in almost constant stress and fear, which also explains a lot of project-related escalations and events since 2022-06.